Thru my short time on social media ( Youtube, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, ect) I have realized that there is sooo much HATE, JUDGEMENT and just general DISLIKE of everyone. It is sad and it truly sickens me, and it is sad because I can say I am one of the many hated people and seriously I don’t honestly know why…
I was at one time so desperate to just ” fit in” and at that time I seriously did not care where or what I had to do to get there ( I would lie, I would cheat I would throw shade and invariably get caught) ….I just wanted to be liked and sadly I saw that NO ONE that I truly thought was my friend would be there when I took the fall) I am still wanting everyone to ” like me” but with the love and support of some very good and authentic friends I can say I know how to go about it better.
At one time you could call me a bully, I would talk shit, I would screenshot I would call people out….it is NOT a pleasent place to be for anyone and yes I have been and am currently going thru it. But you know what…I am no longer that person despite what many people who seriously mean nothing to me think about me, I have learned, I have grown and I choose to live authentically in my truth, the good, the bad and even the ugly…and you know what…that is ok. I can still be one hell of a nasty witch bitch when provoked but I KNOW now how to go about it better, instead of giving into that vile hate and nastiness I know that I can pick up the phone and call any one of my tribe and they will let me vent and then tell me what to do and how to get rid of these feelings. I may not want to hear it because it makes me look deep inside myself at the negativity and I realize I don’t want to live in there, it is a good thing to have people you can TRULY lean on who are willing to help you and hold you thru the darkness.
But also it is a good thing to actually live your truth…ALL YOUR TRUTH, it really helps you GROW. I have learned especially of late that you can’t change other people’s view of you but you can change who you are and who you want to become and who you want to surround yourself with. I have been in a negative headspace going into 2017 and one of my friends told me that that alone is perfectly ok.
So I took a couple of days and quite literally lived my truth, it was ugly, it was negative but I fully embraced it, I journaled, I meditated and I let myself fully take on those awful emotions, the hard part is NOT staying there, luckily I have a good support system of husband, children, friends and family who would NEVER let me stay there so I was able to pull out of it and cleanse myself of those icky feelings but now I have a record of those and I now have the steps and ideas to learn and grow and fully embrace this thing we call AUTHENTIC LIVING!